What Kinds Of Gifts, If Any, Should I Give My Future Daughter-In-Law? – Ask The Expert Answer

Question from Mary:

Our only son is getting married and I have this desire to buy something very special (real jewelry) for our future daughter-in-law.  It is a token to say welcome to our family—to say you are special, and I am glad you are marrying my son.  As I pondered this, I realized that we didn’t give a personal gift to our son-in-law.  And now I am in a quandary as to what I/we should do.  Here are my questions:

Should we give a special gift to our son-in-law now (before we give a gift to our future daughter-in-law) explaining we were remiss in doing this?

Should we even gift a gift to a son-in-law?  Maybe it is only appropriate to give one to a future daughter-in-law.

Do I even give a special gift to our future daughter-in-law?  Maybe I shouldn’t.  However, if I should, should the gift be from my husband and myself.  However, I do feel the need to give her something of lasting value from just me.

If I/we do give a gift, do I/we give it before the wedding or after the wedding.  I do feel like it should be before the wedding, but my husband says after the wedding.

I very much look forward to your reply.  Thank you so much for whatever advice you can give me!!

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Mary.  I understand your concerns.  A gift is something you give because you want to give it.  There is no "rule" that says one must give a gift, although our society does have certain expectations.  Families also have expectations as regards how they should all be treated.

I would say you should give you future daughter-in-law the gift you want to give her.  It is from the heart, and that is the best kind of gift to give.  Whether you sign the card from both your husband and yourself or just yourself is up to you, but I would suggest it is from the both of you.  Together as a family you have the means to provide this gift, so it should come from the two of you.

If you want to give a wedding gift, it goes to a couple.  If you give an anniversary gift, it goes to the couple.  A birthday gift, on the other hand, is specific to the person.   That is the time to give a very personal gift to someone. 

Doing this would not create tension with your son-in-law and daughter around why you didn’t give a special gift at their wedding.  When your son-in-law’s birthday comes around, you and your husband can also give him a special gift that expresses your appreciation for him being a part of your family.

As for welcoming your future daughter-in-law into the family, your obvious love and esteem for her will shine through all your actions throughout the wedding.  She will know she is welcome.  If you have any other thoughts on this subject that you would like to talk about, feel free to email me again.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Expert