How Do We Word The Wedding Invitation To Invite Guests After The Dinner? – Ask The Expert Answer

Question from Peggy:

Due to finances, my fiancee and I are forced to just invite our very immediate family to our wedding.  My fiancee is very well known in the community and many people were wanting to attend.  We decided that we could just invite the friends and co-workers to the reception afterward. How do we word the invitation so that they don’t feel that they have been slighted by not being invited to the wedding as well as the invitation.

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Peggy and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  Balancing the budget is the biggest challenge couples have when planning their wedding.  Unfortunately, inviting people to only 1/2 of your reception is considered very bad etiquette.  You can have a closed ceremony and an open reception, or a open ceremony and a closed reception.  That is acceptable. 

To do that, everyone would receive an invitation to the wedding ceremony, for example, and then a separate reception card would be inserted into those invitations for those invited to the reception.  You never invite people to come ‘after the meal’ to a reception.  It is in very bad taste.

Because of the cost of a sit down dinner, many couples choose to have a different kind of wedding reception—there are 7 different choices for receptions after all.  The sit-down dinner is just one of the seven, and the most costly option. 

Your choices are:

1.  early morning ceremony, followed by a breakfast reception (9 am to 11 am)

2.  morning ceremony, followed by a luncheon reception (11 am to 2 pm)

3.  morning ceremony, followed by a brunch reception (10 am to 3 pm)

4.  early afternoon ceremony, followed by a ‘high tea’ or tea reception  (3 pm to 5 pm)

For the morning and early afternoon weddings, think an art gallery, roof top terrace, formal gardens, historical building/museum for location.  Jazz quartet, classical music, world music all lend themselves well to these types of reception.  Yes you can have a DJ and dancing, if you like, or have the reception in a hotel.  But, often, couples who choose a reception like these ones, choose unique locations to make the wedding memorable.

5.  afternoon ceremony, followed by a cocktail reception  (5 pm to 7 pm)

6.  afternoon ceremony, followed by a dinner reception (6 pm to 9 pm)

7.  evening ceremony, followed by a cake and champagne reception (or dessert reception) (9 pm to midnight)

For the afternoon and evening weddings, the above locations would also work, and so would your more traditional hotel type reception locations. 

It is considered acceptable to have a private dinner with family before a evening reception, but the dinner is NOT held at the same location (room) as the reception.  The reception location is for the reception.  Private dinners are often held in a restaurant, or a separate, smaller banquet room at the same hotel.  Normally, the dinner is held before the ceremony, but, on occassion the dinner is held between the ceremony and reception, but remember, expecting your wedding guests to wait for hours between the ceremony and the reception is poor etiquette.  Any speeches, garter toss, etc. will be reserved for the reception proper.  If you are planning this option, it is best to do the formal photography before the ceremony (a common, modern practice).  Often there is a ‘moment’ planned, where the bride and groom meet for the first time that day, before the photo shoot begins.

An evening wedding (say at 7pm), followed by a dessert reception with cake and champagne, or even hors d’ouevres is a great option.  It is common to have a dance band, and the room is usually set as for a cocktail reception.  Ask at your reception venue for how they handle the various types of receptions.  They have held many of them, and know the best ways to make them work for you.  They are your ‘expert’, so use their expertise.

Remember, that whatever type of wedding reception you choose, it needs to be specified on your wedding invitation.  Where it says ‘reception to follow’, always state what kind of reception will follow so your guests know what to expect.

If you have further questions, feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Expert