Question from Ryan:

Hi.  My mother died last year, and I want to include her in the wedding somehow. Is there a proper way to do this?

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Ryan, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  Many individuals want to put their deceased parent on the wedding invitation, but the wedding invitation is specifically for who hosts the wedding.

There are a number of ways to include your mother in the wedding, and the ceremony is the best place to do this.  You can mention her in the program by writing a short tribute.  You can light a memorial candle during the ceremony, and have the officiant read her tribute while it is being lit.

Another option would be to place a flower on the chair next to your father at the ceremony.  You can also acknowledge her at the reception and toast her, or you can come up with your own unique ideas based on her personality.

The point to remember is that this is a wedding, and you don’t want to take away from the joyfulness of the event, but you do want to acknowledge her because she was a big part of your life.  The right balance needs to be struck.  Your officiant might have further ideas in how to give tribute to your mother.

Congratulations on your wedding!

Angela Fiebelkorn, certified wedding planner

Question from Carol:

Hi, I’ve been invited to a same-sex wedding, and I am wondering if there is anything I should expect that is different from a regular wedding?

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Carol.  Guest etiquette is the same for both traditional weddings, and same-sex weddings.

Sometimes, guest who are invited are opposed to a same-sex marriage, or may feel uncomfortable attending.  If this is the the case, it is best to just decline the wedding invitation graciously without excuses.  Whether you attend or not, if you received a wedding invitation, you are obliged to send a wedding gift.  Wedding gifts are usually sent to the couple in the weeks before the wedding day.

Your attire as a guest should reflect the formality of the wedding, and the time of day in which it is held—the same as  a traditional wedding.

Sometimes, at a same-sex wedding, the wedding couple do not have a receiving line.  If this is the case, be sure to extend your best wishes to both the couple and their families at some point during the reception.

The basic etiquette at all weddings include:

• being respectful at the ceremony by not interrupting through use of flash cameras
• turning off all pagers and cell phones
• being respectful of religious traditions that are not your own (stand when others stand, sit when others sit; you are not required to kneel or recite prayers that are not your own beliefs)
• not bringing a surprise guest (your invitation will state who is invited to the wedding—you and a guest/spouse/partner, or just you)
• don’t monopolize the couple in the receiving line or during the wedding—they have a lot of guests to talk to
• don’t alter place cards or switch tables if seating is assigned
• be sociable with others at the wedding ceremony and reception
• dance when asked to dance, and if required, offer assistance to the elderly and infirm
• do not ask for a ‘doggie bag’ to take food home
• do not take centerpieces, or flowers at the end of the ceremony (the couple may have made arrangements for them)

Overall, wedding behaviour and etiquette is the same no matter whether what kind of wedding you are invited to.  If you have further questions feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, certified wedding planner

Question from Janelle:

Hi, I have about 30 out-of-town guests, and I don’t know what I should do to help them attend, and make the wedding fun for them.  Most of them are arriving on Thursday (wedding is Saturday), and leaving on the Monday after the wedding.  Please help!

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Janelle, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!  It is not necessary to plan constant entertainment for out-of-town wedding guests who are not part of your wedding party, but it is common to give them information about accommodations, and activities they can attend if they so choose.

It is usually the responsibility of the groom to make arrangements for out-of-town guests.  Out-of-town guests are expected to pay for their own lodging, but it is common for the groom to recommend and arrange for a discounted room rate at a hotel.  Usually a block of rooms are pre-booked at the hotel where you are holding your wedding.  Sometimes, family and friends might offer their home for specific guests that they know well, or just state they can host someone.  If private arrangements are not made, you can include a list of family and friends (with addresses and phone numbers) who are willing to host someone, and include it with the wedding package for out-of-town guests.  If someone is hosting an out-of-town guest at your wedding, you should be sending them a thank you note and a gift for extending their hospitality.

After you announce your wedding, you are usually approached by family and friends offering to help you plan your wedding.  Asking these people to host an activity for two or more  out-of-town guests is the thing to do.  They can offer to plan something during the rehearsal dinner, they day before the wedding, during the day of an evening wedding, or the day after the wedding (usually a post-wedding brunch).   Sometimes, the groom will arrange something for these guests instead—including them in the rehearsal dinner, planning a round of golf or shopping during the day before an evening wedding, or inviting them to a post-wedding brunch or ‘after wedding party’.

Family and friends might host a dinner for one or two couples on your out-of-town guest list while you are at the wedding rehearsal is the way to go.  Sometimes, someone might offer to throw a party for all the out-of-town guests in their home on the day before the wedding.  If this happens, be sure to send thank-you gifts (or flowers) to the party hosts, along with a thank you card.

Usually, when out-of-town guests arrive at their hotel, the couple will have a welcome basket for them.  It could have toiletries, or other small items, or have a combination of fruit and individual coffee packages.  Included with the welcome basket should be an itinerary of wedding events so they know where to go to attend the activities.  Usually, transportation is arranged for them, and pickup times and drop off times and places are listed so they can plan accordingly.

Overall, you want to include them in appropriate wedding events, and arrange for them to visit with family and friends during their stay.  Because many do not have transportation, and don’t know your city well, you should make traveling to and from wedding events easy and convenient.

If you have further questions, feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, certified wedding planner

Question from Suzanne:

I want to hold a rehearsal dinner, but I am unsure of what is involved.  Can you tell me more about rehearsal dinners?

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Suzanne,

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  The rehearsal dinner is a popular tradition in some families, whereas other families never hold a rehearsal dinner.  The choice is up to you, as there is no ‘right or wrong’ when it comes to holding a rehearsal dinner.

The rehearsal dinner usually takes place in the late afternoon or evening before the wedding.  The rehearsal is usually the same day, but the rehearsal itself can be held another day in the week leading up to the wedding.  It is tradition that the groom’s family host the rehearsal dinner, which means they plan and pay for the rehearsal dinner.  Often, they consult with the bride or the bride’s mother on details so that it fits the overall theme of the wedding.  The rehearsal dinner is usually a dinner at a restaurant.  If it is a large party which also includes out-of-town guests, it can be a more elaborate with flowers and wedding favours that match the wedding colours and theme, and can be a catered affair at a hotel.  This is more common at high-end weddings.

The rehearsal dinner includes the entire wedding party, the officiant (and their spouse), the wedding planner, the couple’s parents and grandparents (including step parents), and siblings of the bride and groom who are not in the wedding party.  Any one of those listed here should have their partner invited (spouse, fiances, and live-in companions).  Dates are not included in the rehearsal dinner.  If the wedding couple have children, they can attend, as well as the flower girl and ring bearer, if the time of the rehearsal is not too late in the day.  Out-0f-town guests can be invited to the rehearsal dinner, but it is not mandatory.

The rehearsal dinner invitation should be sent out three to six weeks in advance.  They can be informal, handwritten notes to more formal purchased invitations.

The dinner should not ‘drag on’ as the next day is the wedding, and everyone should be well rested.  So toasts, and gift giving should take place during the dinner—between courses, or at any time throughout the meal.  The first toast is usually by the host of the party (groom’s father) welcoming guests and expressing their feelings about the upcoming wedding.  This is usually followed by a toast from the bride’s father, and then anyone else who would like to make a toast.

If the attendant’s choose to make a toast, they should be funny stories about the bride and groom’s past.  The Maid of Honour and the Best Man usually present the atttendants’ gift to the couple at the rehearsal dinner, and the bridal party will also receive their thank you gifts from the bride and groom.  If not already given, the couple will present their parent’s with their gifts on this occasion.  The couple usually make their final payment to the wedding planner at the rehearsal dinner, whereas the officiant is paid the day of the wedding.

This the basics of a rehearsal dinner.  If you have further questions, feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, certified wedding planner

Question from Peggy:

Due to finances, my fiancee and I are forced to just invite our very immediate family to our wedding.  My fiancee is very well known in the community and many people were wanting to attend.  We decided that we could just invite the friends and co-workers to the reception afterward. How do we word the invitation so that they don’t feel that they have been slighted by not being invited to the wedding as well as the invitation.

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Peggy and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  Balancing the budget is the biggest challenge couples have when planning their wedding.  Unfortunately, inviting people to only 1/2 of your reception is considered very bad etiquette.  You can have a closed ceremony and an open reception, or a open ceremony and a closed reception.  That is acceptable. 

To do that, everyone would receive an invitation to the wedding ceremony, for example, and then a separate reception card would be inserted into those invitations for those invited to the reception.  You never invite people to come ‘after the meal’ to a reception.  It is in very bad taste.

Because of the cost of a sit down dinner, many couples choose to have a different kind of wedding reception—there are 7 different choices for receptions after all.  The sit-down dinner is just one of the seven, and the most costly option. 

Your choices are:

1.  early morning ceremony, followed by a breakfast reception (9 am to 11 am)

2.  morning ceremony, followed by a luncheon reception (11 am to 2 pm)

3.  morning ceremony, followed by a brunch reception (10 am to 3 pm)

4.  early afternoon ceremony, followed by a ‘high tea’ or tea reception  (3 pm to 5 pm)

For the morning and early afternoon weddings, think an art gallery, roof top terrace, formal gardens, historical building/museum for location.  Jazz quartet, classical music, world music all lend themselves well to these types of reception.  Yes you can have a DJ and dancing, if you like, or have the reception in a hotel.  But, often, couples who choose a reception like these ones, choose unique locations to make the wedding memorable.

5.  afternoon ceremony, followed by a cocktail reception  (5 pm to 7 pm)

6.  afternoon ceremony, followed by a dinner reception (6 pm to 9 pm)

7.  evening ceremony, followed by a cake and champagne reception (or dessert reception) (9 pm to midnight)

For the afternoon and evening weddings, the above locations would also work, and so would your more traditional hotel type reception locations. 

It is considered acceptable to have a private dinner with family before a evening reception, but the dinner is NOT held at the same location (room) as the reception.  The reception location is for the reception.  Private dinners are often held in a restaurant, or a separate, smaller banquet room at the same hotel.  Normally, the dinner is held before the ceremony, but, on occassion the dinner is held between the ceremony and reception, but remember, expecting your wedding guests to wait for hours between the ceremony and the reception is poor etiquette.  Any speeches, garter toss, etc. will be reserved for the reception proper.  If you are planning this option, it is best to do the formal photography before the ceremony (a common, modern practice).  Often there is a ‘moment’ planned, where the bride and groom meet for the first time that day, before the photo shoot begins.

An evening wedding (say at 7pm), followed by a dessert reception with cake and champagne, or even hors d’ouevres is a great option.  It is common to have a dance band, and the room is usually set as for a cocktail reception.  Ask at your reception venue for how they handle the various types of receptions.  They have held many of them, and know the best ways to make them work for you.  They are your ‘expert’, so use their expertise.

Remember, that whatever type of wedding reception you choose, it needs to be specified on your wedding invitation.  Where it says ‘reception to follow’, always state what kind of reception will follow so your guests know what to expect.

If you have further questions, feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Expert

Question from Rochelle:

Hi.  I’m getting married in Dec 2009 and wanted your advice on what theme is best with fuschia and off white.  We are thinking of having orchids. The groomsmen will wear white shirts with fuschia cravats and the bridesmaids will be in short fuschia dresses with a white border.  Should I have silver instead of white?  How do I dress the tables? I need ideas on what to have as a centerpiece?  Thanks

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Rochelle, and congratuations on your upcoming wedding.  Fushia and white sound like a great colour combination.  You could go with silver, but many silver colours look like grey, so it would depend upon what silver you chose. 

As for what theme, you could just have a colour theme of fushia and white.  Your choice of theme is usually generic, or specific.  Generic themes are like a colour theme, or you could also have an orchid theme.  If you wanted to have a specific theme, usually couples choose a wedding theme that reflects their interests and personality. 

Wedding table decorations are usually flowers, candles, sand, water, or food, in various combinations.  A lot depends upon how formal a wedding you are having, and what feel you are going for.  Tables can be dressed is lace overlays, table runners, table squares, etc.  Have you asked your reception site what they have available?  Most reception sites have a variety of choices for you to choose from, and for a cost, can bring in unique items based on your budget. 

If you look at all the categories on your right as you scroll down, you will see many posts talking about this subject, where you can get more ideas.  The shopping items at the top right also have lots of great ideas.  Check them out.  If you have further questions, feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Expert

Question from  Lindsay:

My fiance and I have decided, after both being attendants in many weddings, not to have any bridesmaids or groomsmen. How would you organize/coordinate the ceremony without having them walk down the isle first?

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Lindsay, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  You do not say whether you will have a Maid of Honour and Best Man.

If you have a Maid of Honour and Best Man, they could walk up the aisle together, and then you could walk up the aisle.  The groom will already be at the front of the church.

If you are not having a Maid of Honour and Best Man, then, you just walk up the aisle (with or without your father/mother) to meet your groom.  The mothers of the bride and groom would stand when the music starts, signalling the rest of the guests to stand also.  The music and the family standing is the signal to the guests. 

The only thing you need to consider is who will be the witnesses of the marriage licence?  Usually this the Maid of Honour and the Best Man—-although parent’s can witness the licence signatures.  This happens during the "signing of the register" in the ceremony. 

The tradition is that there is one set of Attendants for every 50 guests invited to the wedding.  Along with assisting the bride and groom in the various wedding planning tasks, they are responsible for encouraging guests to dance (usually by asking them to dance), and to resolve issues on the wedding day so the bride and groom are not bothered with things.  These tasks can be assigned to anyone really, and there is no need to have a bridal party if you don’t want one.

Good luck, and if you have further questions, feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Expert

Question from Amanda:

Well hello. I got married at the justice of the peace with only 2 witness and that was because we didn’t have the money for a wedding. I was wondering if it would be wrong to want to do the renewal as if it was a true wedding, and if it would be ok, what things should I omit from the ceremony and reception?

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Amanda, and congratulations on your wedding!  The only difference in the ceremony between a ‘true wedding’ and a ‘renewal of vows’ would be some of the wording in there ceremony.  You can still have your full "I do" ceremony.  The person performing the wedding has the wording for this and can help you plan an appropriate ceremony for your circumstances—and yet have it as a ‘true wedding’. 

From an etiquette point of view, the rules around being remarried are quite clear.  If a bride has not had a full wedding with all the usual pomp and ceremony, she can have one.  If a bride has had a full wedding at some point in her life, any subsequent wedding must follow the rules of an encore (or second) wedding.  It doesn’t matter if the guy has been remarried or not—the ‘rule’ follows the bride’s wedding status. 

Many brides who ‘missed’ having a full wedding plan to have one later when they can afford it, or when the finances are in place.  Usually this ‘renewal’ of vows is held around their anniversary, but sometimes it is just held at a date of their choosing.  The things you should be aware of are 1)  the officiant will help you with the ceremony wording, and 2) the invitation wording will be different than a wedding. 

This wedding invitation wording video will explain the rules around wedding invitation wording.  For a renewal of vows, instead of saying:  "…..request the honour of your presence at the marriage of ….." , you would say "……..request the honour of your presence to celebrate the recent marriage of…..".  If you are paying for your own wedding (without help from your parents), then the wording would be "…The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage celebration of…"

If you have had any bridal showers already, the people who attended them would not attend any subsequent bridal showers.  The rule is that a guests goes to one bridal shower per bride—no matter how many times she gets married. 

Those are the basic things you need to know.  If you are looking for how to get started with your wedding planning, check out this wedding planning website. 

Question from Teresa:

My hubby and I will be married 20 years this Dec. and are planning to renew our wedding vows.  Is an ivory tea length wedding dress appropriate for such an occasion and is the ceremony much like that of a first wedding?

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Teresa, and congratulations on 20 years of marriage!  An ivory tea length wedding dress is perfect for a renewal of vows.  When planning a renewal of vows, the ceremony is similar to a wedding, but the focus is on renewing an existing commitment instead of focusing on a new commitment.  If you were married in a church, your religious leader will have a renewal of vows ceremony for you to look at. 

Whomever you choose to have as an officiant for your wedding will have samples of a renewal of vows ceremony for you to choose from, and the experience to advise you on how you might want to create your vow ceremony.

The reception is basically a party that you can plan in any way you like.  The traditional gift of a 20th anniversary is China, and you can follow that Asian theme through with a Cherry Blossom theme or an eco-friend theme with these great bamboo favours.   Enjoy!

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Expert

Question from Pascaline:

I am soooo confused…  I don’t know what to do for our wedding tables decorations…in regard to colours.  We love the mix of black, white and yellow.  My bridesmaid dresses are yellow.  I was kinda thinking of black or charcoal tablecloth with a wood type bamboo brown table runner and vases with yellow flowers and we are having a destination wedding so seashells and starfish.  I want it to be boyish and girlish. We love punk-rock style but still want to put lottttts of candles. What do you think?

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Pascaline, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  Black, white and yellow is a great colour combination.  The key to a wow factor is to have dark and light juxtaposed in a way that makes you notice.  Black tablecloths with a brown wood runner is dark on dark—works well, but does not create a wow factor.  Think white tablecloths with black table runners and black napkins, and yellow flowers.  That would pop!  Or, black tablecloths, with white table runners and napkins, and yellow flowers.  That also would really pop.  That does not mean that your idea of wood-type bamboo brown table runners is a bad idea!  It would look great on either white or black tablecloths, but would give the overall look a more subdued statement.  So, it depends upon what you like.

As for lots of candles, well, I think lots (and I mean lots) of candles creates a whole atmosphere in itself.  I love the idea of lots of candles.  You could have groupings of pillar candles for your centrepieces in varying heights to create a true statement.   Candles grouped at the buffet table, cake table, and so forth can continue the theme.  Candles are inexpensive (compared to other centrepieces) and come in a variety of colours to accent your table linens.  Whether you choose to sprinkle tea lights everywhere, or go more substantial with pillar candles, you cannot go wrong with candles. 

Check out these wedding collections.  They are very beautiful, and you might find the ’scattered pearls’ collection or the ’seaside allure’ wedding collection just what you are looking for.

These ideas should help you get to your final decision.  If you have further question feel free to ask.  If you are reading this and have some ideas of your own, feel free to add your comments below.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Expert

Question from Rachael:

What is the essence of throwing a bouquet?  Is it always compulsory for the bride to throw her bouquet?  Thanks.

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Rachael.  As with most wedding traditions, they are all about superstitions!  In the old days (think medieval times), it was considered ‘lucky’ to touch the bride, and even luckier if you could get a piece of her dress, her veil, her hair, her flowers—-anything that she has on her.   For brides who got really lucky in their choice of a good provider, the desire to ‘grab’ some luck was even stronger. 

The tradition of the bridal bouquet being tossed away was to draw the women away from the bride as they scrabbled for the bouquet so that she could get away with her new husband and not be mobbed by the crowd.

I have seen a much more civilized variation of the bouquet toss.  The bride sits on a chair in the centre of the room, her dress spread out around her.  All the single women ‘give up’ one shoe to the groom, who places those shoes underneath the chair the bride is sitting on.  Then as the music plays, one at a time, the groom pulls out a shoe, and whomever owns the pair sits down until only one single person is still standing.  That person gets the bride’s bouquet. 

At the wedding where I witnessed this version, the groom was very gallant and like the prince in the Cinderella story, placed the shoe on each woman’s foot as it came out from under the bride’s dress.

As with most traditions, the bouquet toss has survived the years.  Today, whomever catches the bouquet will (supposedly) be the next to be married in the group. 

Good luck, and feel free to email again if you need an answer.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Expert

Question from Francine:

Hi, I wanted input from someone.  I’m planning my wedding for July 15, 2015, and I wanted to make it at a hotel in London, Ontario.  Do you think a sum of
$20,000 to 30,000 would be enough to plan a wedding.

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Francine, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  According to the Wedding Planners Institute of Canada, in 2008 the average rural wedding costs $20,000, and the average urban wedding costs $25,000.  It takes an average of 250 hours to plan a wedding. 

Wedding planning is not difficult, but it is time consuming, and it is work.  Some brides and grooms love it, and other hate it.  The first step of planning your wedding is to create a wedding vision.  By doing this upfront, it smooths the planning process because you have a cohesive plan from the start. 

If you watch the wedding shows on tv, you can see how easy it is to go over budget.  Having a good grasp of your budget, and utilizing it wisely is very important.  There are many ways to have a wedding without spending that much money.  A lot depends upon how big your wedding is, and what type of wedding reception you are choosing.  Although a sit-down dinner wedding reception is common, it is THE most expensive of your 7 choices of receptions.

One of my favourite weddings was at the art gallery in my city.  After a wedding ceremony in the central entrance hall of the gallery at 7 pm, everyone moved to the rooftop terrace for the reception.  There was a live band, dancing under the stars, bar service, and around 11 pm little cakes with glasses of champagne were served.  It was great fun, and a lovely evening.  Cost?  $15,000.  I’m sure her gown (which was beautiful) took up a few thousand of that budget—and a live band isn’t cheap. 

Whatever you decide, there are hundreds of options at every step of planning your wedding.  Explore them, and enjoy!

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Expert

Question from Mandy:

Hi, I am trying to make wedding reception centerpieces myself.  Here’s the idea: small vase filled with water and glitter, with 1 flower in each.  Will the glitter sink, any ideas on floating glitter?  Thanks a lot.

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Mandy.  What a lovely idea.  I believe you are right—the glitter will sink, but it really depends upon the way the manufacturer makes the glitter. 

This is not something that you can plan out in advance—you need to experiment.  There are different kinds of glitter, and you can even use silver confetti which be a little bigger, but depending upon the manufacturer, might float.  You will need to see how it reacts to being in water for a number of hours, as confetti might start to fall apart.  Again, depends upon the manufacturer, and how they make their product.  Saying that, go out to your local craft store, or dollar store, and see what you can find.  Then experiment.

Have you considered these Water Pearls for wedding table decorations.  Using coloured sand is also an option that you might want to consider.  There are also different kinds of confetti to choose from, so take a look at these great options. 

There are many great ways to create an inexpensive reception table centrepiece.  Good luck, and if you have further questions, feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Expert

Question from Charlene:

I was thinking about having red and yellow as my wedding colors, with an accent of orange. My wedding is in August, so I was thinking fall colors.  Will this color scheme work together? And what are the best shades of reds, yellows and oranges will work together without clashing?

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Charlene, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  Yes, red and yellow work really well together. Accents of orange are perfect with that combination.  Colours which are next to each other on the colour wheel (red, orange, yellow) are known as complementary colours.  This photo of a red and yellow colour scheme is accented with green and white, which is perfect for a winter wedding.  Accents of orange is more appropriate for an August wedding. 

When it comes to choosing your shades, the trick is to make sure they have the same undertone and saturation.  Basically this means that you want to have all your colour choices the same colour strength.  You don’t want to have pale yellow with bright red. The colours all need to be bold colours, or they need to be all soft colours. 

This photo blends pink and orange, which on first glance, most people would not put together.  But, notice both colours have the same strength of colour.  That is the trick to blending colours so they go together well.

Before you finalize your exact colour choices, consider what colour table linens you will have available to you.  This video I made on Wedding Colour Ideas explains how to put colours together.  Also, consider what wedding ceremony and wedding reception decorations you have available to you. 

Although wedding favours are a great way to thank your guests for attending, and to enhance your wedding theme, they can also add to the colour scheme of your wedding reception table. 

Put your whole wedding look together by choosing wedding invitations to reflect your colour scheme. 

Enjoy planning your wedding colours, and if you have further questions, feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Expert

Question from Melanie:

We have decided on a destination wedding at an all inclusive resort to cut down on cost.   Is it considered poor etiquette to only have a cake and champagne toast reception immediately following the cermony for the guests that are able to attend?

I find it pointless to spend extra money for a sit down dinner when the food is already included but I don’t want to be the "tacky" bride either. We intend to have a full reception when we get back but it will be months later.

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Melanie, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  The rules of etiquette revolve around the time that your reception will be held.   A champagne and cake reception is common after the dinner hour, when a wedding is held at 7 pm or later.  This blog post outlines the common wedding reception types that you can choose from. 

The important thing to consider is that when you send your guests the wedding invitation that you state what kind of  reception you are going to have.  Most formal invitations have ‘reception to follow’ on the template, but it is your responsibility to state what kind of wedding reception you will have.  In addition to the ones in the blog post, you can also state ‘light refreshments to follow’ which tells your guests that hors d’ouevres and beverages will follow.  If you have your wedding right after lunch, instead of a ‘tea reception’ , you could state champagne and cake reception to follow. 

If your wedding invitations are contemporary or informal, you can change the wording to ‘Join us for champagne and cake at the ……following the ceremony’, or similar wording. 

Will your all inclusive resort actually charge you for a sit-down meal?  Usually they reserve a specific meal time for the wedding party and you can eat without any extra charges.  Usually they require you to vacate the restaurant by a certain time to allow for other guests at the next meal sitting.  You could use that opportunity to head off to the night club to continue the celebrations. 

Whatever you decide, make sure it is included in the invitation so your guests know ahead of time what the plans are.  Some tour companies will actually give you free destination wedding invitations, and some resorts have a wedding coordinator on-site to help you plan your event.  Be sure to ask if any of these services are available for you. 

If you have further questions about this, feel free to comment below, and I wil be happy to answer.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Expert